The Day I Broke Open: Remembering the Moment I Chose to Heal
✨ The Day I Broke Open: Remembering the Moment I Chose to Heal
By Angel, Founder of AMC Rise and Thrive
Hello beautiful soul 🤍
I’m really glad you’re here today.
Not in a passing, polite way — but in the quiet, intentional way that honors
the fact that you chose to pause, reflect, and be present with yourself for a
few moments.
Whether you’re reading this with your planner open, your
thoughts wandering between past and present, or your heart feeling a little
tender and exposed, I want you to know something right away: this space is
safe. Safe for honesty. Safe for remembering. Safe for becoming.
Before we go any further, let’s take a breath together.
Slow.
Gentle.
Unforced.
There’s no rush here. No expectation to arrive with clarity or
strength. Just allow yourself to be exactly where you are.
Some dates pass by quietly, barely noticed.
Others stop us in our tracks — not because they still hurt the way they once
did, but because they remind us of who we were… and how far we’ve come.
That’s where today’s reflection begins.
A Date That Still Speaks
I was updating my planner like I usually do — jotting down
reminders, appointments, small notes that help me keep life moving forward.
Over time, my planner has become more than a scheduling tool. It’s a quiet
witness. It has seen my busy seasons, my hopeful intentions, my attempts to
balance everything that matters.
And then I saw it.
The date.
The anniversary of my nervous breakdown in 2022.
I didn’t circle it in red.
There were no dramatic symbols or warnings scribbled in the margins.
Just the quiet recognition of a moment that changed everything.
It wasn’t the kind of breakdown that resulted in
hospitalization or a public explanation. There were no forms to fill out, no
official diagnosis shared with the world. It was deeply private. Hidden behind
closed doors. The kind that happens when the weight of everything you’ve been
carrying finally becomes too heavy for your body to hold.
I was in my downstairs bathroom, curled up on the floor,
crying in a way that felt unfamiliar and uncontrollable. This wasn’t a neat
cry. It wasn’t quiet. It was raw and uncontained — the kind that comes when
something inside finally gives way.
I remember wishing my mom was there. Wishing she could wrap
her arms around me, rub my back, and tell me it was going to be okay. There’s
something about wanting your mother in moments like that — a longing to be held
without explanation, to be comforted without having to justify the pain.
After the tears slowed, I went and laid on the bed. My son
came in and sat beside me, gently rubbing my head. That simple, loving gesture
grounded me in a way words never could. It reminded me that even when I felt
like I was falling apart, I wasn’t alone.
And still… shame followed close behind.
I felt ashamed that I had gotten to that point.
Ashamed that I felt weak.
Ashamed that I couldn’t just “handle it” the way I always had.
It’s hard to admit that now — but it’s the truth.
On top of that, there was another layer of grief quietly
present. I missed my dogs, Valentine and Leo. They had been my comfort in sad
moments for so long. They knew how to offer strength without words, how to
simply be with me. And they were no longer here for me to lean on in the
physical sense. That kind of support — uncomplicated, unconditional — was gone
from my daily life.
Loss has a way of stacking itself. One grief often opens the
door for another to surface.
🌿 When
Holding It All Together Finally Breaks You
I’ve never been someone who experiences emotional breakdowns
often. That just wasn’t my pattern. My coping mechanism looked different.
I held everything in.
I put things on the back burner.
I told myself I’d deal with it later — when there was more time, more space,
more energy.
Except “later” never came.
Instead, the pressure kept building.
I carried responsibilities quietly.
I swallowed my feelings.
I showed up for everyone else, even when I felt invisible to myself.
And apparently, I held it all in for too long.
That breakdown wasn’t weakness — but at the time, I couldn’t
see that. I was actually mad at myself. Which sounds harsh, I know, but that
was my honest reaction. I believed that strong people didn’t fall apart like
that. Strong people pushed through. Strong people didn’t end up crying on a
bathroom floor.
What I didn’t understand then was this:
Strength that never rests eventually collapses.
There is only so much the nervous system can hold. There is
only so long you can ignore your own needs before your body demands your
attention — loudly.
That moment on the bathroom floor was the bottom for me. And
as painful as it was, it was also the moment everything started to shift.
Because my life wasn’t going to change until I finally
admitted that what I thought was working… wasn’t working at all.
Growth doesn’t usually happen when everything is going well.
It happens when staying the same becomes unbearable.
That’s when we pivot.
🌱 Losing
Yourself While Being Everything to Everyone
As the years passed, that date stopped feeling like a stain
and started feeling like a marker — a signpost of how far I’ve come.
Sometimes we need to remember our darkest moments not to
relive them, but to see the distance we’ve traveled since.
At that point in my life, I was truly lost.
And when I say lost, I don’t mean confused about what I was
doing. I mean I had lost my identity.
I was someone’s mom.
Someone’s wife.
Someone’s daughter.
But I had forgotten who I was.
I had placed myself on a shelf with the intention of coming
back to me eventually — but I never made myself a priority. I told myself I’d
work on me later, once everyone else was okay, once things calmed down, once
life felt more manageable.
Except that version of “later” kept moving further and further
away.
Losing myself didn’t happen all at once. It was gradual.
Quiet. A little here and a little there. Small compromises. Small silences.
Small decisions to let things go instead of addressing them.
Until one day, I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the
person staring back at me.
And honestly? If my younger self could have seen me then, she
probably would have slapped me silly.
She would’ve said, This isn’t you. You wouldn’t tolerate
all of this. You wouldn’t stay silent. You wouldn’t disappear.
My throat chakra was completely blocked — because I had
stopped speaking my truth. I had learned to keep the peace at the expense of my
own voice.
And silence, when it goes on too long, can become its own kind
of prison.
🔥 Finding
Balance Between Silence and Self-Respect
Now, you’ve met this more evolved version of me.
The one who thinks carefully about what she says — and how she
says it.
The younger version of me used words like weapons. Sharp.
Precise. Designed to wound deeply. And I didn’t care who felt the impact. Back
then, I mistook that kind of expression for strength.
Over time, I swung too far in the opposite direction.
I stopped speaking up at all.
I didn’t fight back about anything.
I didn’t express needs.
I didn’t correct disrespect.
I just did what had to be done — quietly — for my family.
I think many of us have been there at some point in our lives.
Now that I’m older, I don’t argue about every little thing. My
silence says enough — not because I’m afraid to speak, but because I refuse to
give nonsense my very precious energy.
That discernment comes with age.
Do I still “pop off” sometimes? Absolutely. Usually when I’m
tired or hungry. At those moments, I’m not exactly in the mood to temper
myself.
And that’s okay.
Growth doesn’t mean perfection.
It means awareness.
I’ve learned that finding your voice doesn’t mean using it
constantly. It means knowing when it matters — and trusting yourself
enough to speak when it does.
đź’Ž
Affirmations for Healing and Self-Reclamation
If this story touched something tender in you, let these
affirmations meet you gently. You don’t need to rush through them. Let each one
settle where it needs to:
- I
honor how far I have come, even when the journey was painful.
- I
release shame connected to my past struggles.
- I am
allowed to evolve without explaining myself.
- My
voice matters, and my silence is intentional.
- I
choose growth, balance, and truth in this season of my life.
Speak them slowly — or simply breathe them in.
đź“– Bible
Verse for Reflection
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (NKJV)
Even in the moments we feel weakest, we are never abandoned.
Sometimes breaking open is the very thing that allows healing to begin.
🎵 Song of
the Day
“Breakthrough” — Lemonade Mouth
This song may come from a Disney Channel movie, but its
message is deeply universal. During that season of my life, it reminded me that
falling down doesn’t disqualify you — it prepares you.
This song carries the energy of getting back up, even when
you’re bruised. Of choosing forward motion when standing still feels safer. Of
believing that light still exists, even when you can’t see it yet.
One lyric in particular says it best:
Here comes a breakthrough. Here comes a day. Here comes a moment that you
gotta go for it.
Healing often begins the moment you decide not to stay where
you are. It might hurt. It might feel slow. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t
worthy of the victory waiting on the other side.
You don’t need to see the entire path — just the next step.
Closing Thoughts: Honoring the Moment That Changed
You
That date in my planner no longer represents failure.
It represents awakening.
It reminds me of the moment I stopped abandoning myself.
The moment I realized I couldn’t keep living on empty.
The moment growth became non-negotiable.
Everything isn’t perfect now — not even close. But I am no
longer lost.
And if you’re reading this while reflecting on your own hard
moments, please hear this:
Your breaking point does not define you.
Your willingness to heal does.
With love and compassion,
Angel 🤍
Founder, AMC Rise and Thrive
Thank you for sitting with me in this truth today.
If this reflection resonated with your heart, consider sharing
it with someone who may be quietly carrying their own heavy memories. And when
the timing feels right, visit the archive — there may be another message
waiting to meet you exactly where you are.
Trust divine timing.
We cannot rush what is unfolding.
We can only remain open, receptive, and willing to grow into the blessings
meant for us.
Many blessings to every soul reading these words.
May you feel seen in your past, supported in your present, and gently guided
into what comes next — knowing that even the moments that broke you helped
shape the strength you carry today.
#AMCRiseAndThrive #HealingJourney #FindingYourVoice
#GrowthThroughGrace #SpiritualReflection
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