Forgive Them: Setting Boundaries Without Losing Your Heart
Forgive Them: Setting Boundaries Without Losing Your Heart
By Angel, Founder of AMC Rise and Thrive
Hello beautiful soul 💛
This post came unexpectedly. I was moving through my day,
playlist on shuffle, when Lauryn Hill’s Forgive Them Father filled the
room. The song is a powerful meditation on betrayal, forgiveness, and
self-preservation — and it made me stop in my tracks.
This is an old song that instantly pulled me back to high
school years. That is how long the message has been out there — and yet, it
still feels as if it was written for this exact moment. That’s the thing about
truth: it never grows stale. Its relevance echoes across generations, reminding
us of lessons we may have ignored or resisted the first time around.
I thought about how many times we’ve all felt the sting of
being mistreated by people we trusted. The song’s message reminds me that
sometimes those who claim to love us still cause harm — sometimes knowingly,
sometimes because they are so disconnected from themselves that they don’t even
recognize the damage they do.
And isn’t that the heart of it? There are people who will take
advantage of your kindness, who will mistake your compassion for weakness. Some
are like wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing, pretending to care but secretly
tearing down. Some lack the conscience to face the truth, so they lie to
themselves… and if they’re willing to lie to themselves, lying to you is easy.
The Pain of Betrayal
If you’ve ever discovered that someone you trusted was talking
behind your back, manipulating your generosity, or secretly wishing for your
downfall — you know that ache. It is a uniquely spiritual pain. It’s not just
about hurt feelings. It shakes the ground under your feet because you start to
question your discernment: How did I not see this coming? Why didn’t I
recognize the signs?
I’ve been there too. And every time, I have to remind myself
that my open heart is not the problem. The problem is the person who chose to
betray my trust.
Betrayal is devastating because it comes from the inside — not
an enemy at the gates, but someone who was already within your walls.
Kindness Does Not Equal Doormat
Being a spiritual person does not mean you’re required to let
everyone have access to you. You are not called to tolerate mistreatment in
order to prove your goodness.
Let’s pause there: you are not anyone’s doormat or punching
bag. You were not created to be trampled on in the name of “keeping the peace.”
Sometimes peacekeeping actually requires disruption — standing firm, drawing a
line, and saying, “This is where my dignity begins, and I will not let you
cross it.”
Bible Verse: “Father, forgive them;
for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34, KJV).
Even Jesus set boundaries. There were moments when He withdrew
from the crowds, choosing quiet time away from those who sought to use Him. He
didn’t heal every person who asked. He didn’t run Himself ragged trying to
please everyone. His words from the cross teach us that forgiveness is divine —
but He still named the harm for what it was. Forgiveness does not mean blind
acceptance.
You are allowed to choose who walks closely with you. You are
allowed to guard your peace. You are allowed to protect your joy.
And here’s the truth many of us don’t want to admit: God will
not punish you for cutting ties with people who are hurting you. Sometimes the
holiest thing you can do is to close a door, He never meant for you to open in
the first place.
Finding Your Soul Tribe
One of the hardest parts of the spiritual path is finding the
people who truly get you — your soul tribe. The ones who celebrate your wins
without jealousy, who hold space for your tears without judgment, who call you
higher without tearing you down.
That kind of connection is rare, which makes it sacred. Until
you find it, be willing to walk alone rather than keep company with those who
secretly root for your failure.
Someone once said, “Quality outweighs quantity when it comes
to friendship.” I don’t know who first spoke those words, but I’ve learned the
truth of them. Ten shallow connections will never compare to one or two who are
real, consistent, and true.
This doesn’t mean you harden your heart. It means you stay
discerning. Pay attention to actions, not just words. Trust energy more than
appearances. And when someone shows you who they are, believe them — but also
release them with grace so you don’t stay tangled in bitterness.
I don’t wish bad on anyone. I believe in Karma — and she is
only a b*tch if you are. Life has a way of circling back to people. I don’t
need to orchestrate anyone’s downfall, nor do you. Our only job is to walk in
integrity and keep moving forward.
So, if you have to walk alone for now, hold your head up high.
You are not “less than” for not having a big crowd. You are wise enough to wait
for the right ones to walk with you.
The Practice of Spiritual Vigilance
Spiritual vigilance is not about paranoia. It’s about clarity.
When you are clear about who you are, what you value, and where you’re going,
you stop allowing just anyone to speak into your life.
Take time to pause before sharing your dreams. Notice how
people respond when you shine. Do they lean in with encouragement — or shrink
away with subtle criticism? Do they celebrate your joy, or do they grow quiet
when blessings come your way?
Your spirit already knows who is safe and who isn’t; you just
have to trust that knowing. We all have the gift of intuition. The problem is
not everyone listens. Or worse, sometimes we don’t want to listen
because the truth requires change — and change is uncomfortable.
But ignoring your intuition doesn’t silence it. It just delays
the inevitable. The voice within will keep nudging, keep warning, until you
finally face the truth. Don’t let fear of loneliness blind you to the red flags
waving in front of your face.
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean closing it. It means
cherishing it, treating it as holy, and recognizing that not everyone is
qualified to hold what is sacred.
Forgiveness as Freedom
Forgiveness is not letting them off the hook — it is letting
yourself off the hook. It is NEVER for them. It is always for you.
It is releasing the weight of their actions from your heart so
you can move forward. When you hold onto unforgiveness, you tie yourself to the
very people who hurt you. But when you release them, you set yourself free.
That doesn’t mean reconciliation is always possible or wise.
Sometimes forgiveness happens in private, with no conversation at all. You
forgive them, wish them well from a distance, and close the door. Lock it and
throw away the key.
Because here’s what happens when you keep reopening doors to
people who have shown no desire to change: you pay the price, over and over
again. Returning to people who don’t deserve you or don’t make a conscious
effort to do better will only end the same way it always has.
Forgiveness is about setting yourself free. Reconciliation is
about rebuilding trust. And those two are not the same.
Affirmations for Boundaries and Peace
- I
release all resentment and choose peace.
- My
compassion is not weakness; it is strength.
- I am
worthy of healthy, loving relationships.
- I
honor my inner wisdom and trust my discernment.
- I
forgive, but I also protect my sacred space.
Let these affirmations become more than words on a page.
Repeat them until they sink deep into your spirit. Write them on sticky notes.
Pray them over yourself. Sing them if you must. They will retrain your heart to
believe what your mind may struggle to accept: you are worthy of peace.
Song for Your Soul
🎵 Song
Suggestion: "Forgive Them Father" by Lauryn Hill (1998)
A song from the last century, but the message is as real today as it was then.
I love the lyric:
“It took me a little while to discover (took me a
little)
Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers (but now I know)
Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves
To themselves
A friend once said and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you?”
People can pretend to be whatever they want to get what they
want. Don’t be fooled, and don’t fall into the game.
🌱 Reflection:
Who in your life have you needed to forgive — not to excuse them, but to free
yourself? How can you guard your heart while keeping your spirit soft?
Those are their sins and not yours. Don’t hold on to things
that will hinder your growth. You can’t change the past. But you can choose not
to repeat it. Holding on to those things will only bring you down.
Let the weight of that betrayal go. Send it out into the
universe, into God’s hands, and know you are blessed.
In gentle grace,
Angel
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